I’m Back

I realize it’s been a while… Unfortunately, I have a good excuse. The last two weeks have been some of the most challenging of my life. At times I wasn’t sure the blog would make it, not for lack of time but because it seemed everything I would have to say would be so different from what I had planned. You see, my goal for the blog has always been to express things that all moms, all people, could relate to.

But not all moms realize their baby isn’t making eye contact. Not all moms hear the doctor say, “I see your reason for concern” and schedule appointments with scary places you thought other people visited. Not all moms avoid the computer like it’s a sin because of the irresistible urge to google “autism” and increase the terror.

It’s a unique situation, but yet, as my mom told me in the midst of a trying moment, “Jessie, this is parenting.” Hmmm. I thought about it and – scary to admit – but embedded in my unexpected scenario are some common, unavoidable lessons that, like it or not, we ALL have to learn. Things like: Realizing life doesn’t look like you thought it would. Loving someone who might not always love you back the way you hoped. Pouring out your life for a totally unselfish cause. Giving the most precious pieces of your heart and hopes to God, and believing He will take care of them. Enjoying today when tomorrow seems scary.

God has been so good and gracious to me. While these last few weeks have been hard, they haven’t been fruitless. Sam is growing, changing, and responding to our “treatments.” In short, God is working a miracle in little Sam. It’s not the raising Lazarus from the dead sort of miracle, though. It’s more like the flood waters drying up miracle. A little here, a little there. It’s fascinating to watch. I’ve charted little Sam’s milestones by the day: looked up to find Daddy when he held him and talked, smiled at Grampy, laughed at me while “standing,” loves peek-a-boo and the dog… I just can’t wait to get up in the morning to see what he’ll do next.

Logistically, we do have appointments scheduled for eye doctors, specialists, and therapists. While we are interested to hear their feedback, it almost seems irrelevent. (Almost.) Two things I know:

1. Parenting in any dimension is hard, hard work.

2. Sam is in the hands of a generous, loving Father.

I will continue to post updates and am so grateful for the prayers.

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9 thoughts on “I’m Back

  1. I am searching for the right words to encourage you but I'm failing miserably. Just know that I will be praying for you. Sam is fearfully and wonderfully made. Keep holding on to Jesus! You are a GREAT mom ~Lindsay

  2. Jessica, This is one of the most beautiful heartfelt things I have ever read. We will all be praying for you guys. Troubles change us all. Thanks for sharing your experience. Life seems very real and very hard reading this. Although the joy of knowing our need for God also shines through. This week I read something that noted how dissapointment and joy sometimes coexist – giving a more complete and unified picture of who God is. May he be present with you, Sam, and Todd. Dean

  3. Another beautiful post. Jessica, you DO write for all parents. In focusing on the details of your life (both the difficult and the lovely) you speak to the broken and mended pieces within each of our hearts. We are praying daily.Love, Ann

  4. Pingback: How We Discovered Sam’s Allergies | Smartter Each Day

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